Robert writes home #69 Essay on connecting with others.

69

Dear Mother,

                Yesterday, I was watching the Utah vs. Colorado St. football game and I heard them say,”Dan Pulsipher. He was one of Pete’s friends in Merced Stake when he was young. His dad is a dentist, too and we’ve know the family since we came to Dos Palos. He came to Merced about the same time and we’ve associated in the church through the years. He did a good job, too. He made every kick. That was a thrill to see someone whom I had known as a kid playing on TV. That’s when I really get interested in sports. Utah had a Koslowsky kid playing receiver for them, too. He must have been a brother to the one who was receiver for BYU last year. It's going to be a “bite” if Utah beats BYU with players that would have liked to get to the Y but went to the U instead because the Y wouldn't give them a scholarship. You may not know that Colo., Colo St., Utah and BYU are ranked in the top 25 college teams this year.

                Charlie got to play for about half a game last week as QB against Coalinga.

                They opened a new Walmart in LB yesterday. It’s a big store. It’s out west of town. We went over to see it…I bought a new chain saw there. Los Banos is a city now…they have K-Mart, Walmart, Save Mart, three McDonalds and big traffic congestion at the Pacheco Blvd and J-14 intersection.

                We got the barn cleaned up and ready for the HP party next Saturday night. That was a satisfying accomplishment.

                Today Pres. Nielsen gave me a new calling…to the high council with my special assignment over Family History. I’m excited about that. A change is exhilarating. That will release me from my jobs as HP teacher, BSA committee Chairman and ward Family History Consultant.

                The cotton is about all picked and my allergies are getting better. The persimmons are getting ripe and the mosquitoes are here in force until the first frost which is still aways off. However, it’s getting a lot cooler.

                It’s exciting to be building the kingdom. The gospel is perfect. It has the answers to all the problems of society. It’s the investment with the best long range potential. There is no better place to put your time and money.

Love

Robert, Janet, Charlie and Sam

PS another essay:

What makes some missionaries seem like they’re your friends and others seem like they’re not when they have both associated with you the same amount of time and spoken about the same number of words to you?

                This is a really interesting thing to me because I think I’ve been treated like both kinds of people by people that I have tried to associate with and have wondered why.

Now, excluding teenager society, where the craving for status and peer approval distorts most reality, I think the difference might be whether people interpret how you act and talk as being interested in them and caring about how they feel and think; or, are you only interested in your own ego survival.’

                Over the years I’ve observed pairs of missionaries passing through our ward. Often there will be one outgoing, charming one who dominated the social setting coupled with a shy one. Then it seems obvious why you would be attracted to the charmer. But sometimes you find yourself liking the quiet one and not liking the outgoing one. One set of companions were both equally shy and not very outgoing, but I liked the one much better than the other. I think the reason is that when the likable one does talk I get the feeling that he wants to share interests with me and likes me. While the other gives me the impression that he’s pre-occupied with not doing something to make himself look unconfident or foolish…almost totally preoccupied with his own ego survival and not concerned about how I’m doing, or what I’m interested in (to see if we may share some common interests to build some friendship around). I feel sorry for the guy that I don’t find him as fun and approachable as the other one. He’s not trying to do me any harm. He’s just so preoccupied with his self consciousness that he doesn’t have time to forget about his ego and wonder how mine is doing. And that makes him seem cold and unfriendly…even though he’s smiling and saying all of the missionary lines.

                There’s an old saying that goes, “they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. That’s really a good aphorism, even though, in trying to apply that saying to life, we may sometimes show more affection than is appropriate to display to someone whom you have just met or only know casually…it’s better too much than too little. I just need to know that they are interested in getting to know me in the hope that we might have something in common that we could build some friendship and conversation around and enrich both of our lives.